I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
