Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Come on in and take your pants off
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