I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
