Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
