a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
