I can't breathe out the right side of my face
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
