we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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