What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
