Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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