I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
