it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
