fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is classic penis vs brain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
