I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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