Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
