all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
