And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
