the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
