smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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