He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
