I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
