I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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