I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
