In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
