I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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