If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you inspire me to be a worse person
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
