This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
