i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
