By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
