So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
