I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
