Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
