You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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