He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
