I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
