can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
