just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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