I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
