Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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