If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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