I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
