I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
