im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
