1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
