Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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