Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
