if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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