6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
