He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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