now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
