alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
vagina is talking i cant
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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